Oor Lives, Oor Ane
Voices of parents whose children are care experienced
“Oor lives are nae oor ane” is a quote from a peer-led interview with a parent describing what it is like to have intensive scrutiny of every aspect of your family life. The interview was carried out with and by parents who have had their children removed from their care as part of a participatory action research project.
Supported by Children First a group of parents formed the Good Ideas Group. The group co-designed and carried out the research to explore:
- What help do parents need during child protection processes?
- What support would benefit parents who have children who are looked after in foster care, residential care, secure care, kinship care or are adopted?
The research is intended to help change the systems and support available to children and their families to keep the Promise that Scotland's children and young people will grow up loved, safe and respected.
The research and work of the Good Ideas Group has been funded thanks to the CORRA Foundation, the Scottish Government, Moray Council Social Work, Moray Alcohol and Drugs Partnership.
Treat me like a human
Recommendations for Change
Parents have shared the story of their families with us in the hope of achieving change. These recommendations are relevant to teachers and school staff, social work and family support workers, police officers, health workers and anyone who works with children, parents or families. The recommendations are also relevant for Children's Panel Members, Safeguarders and Sheriffs.
Parents expressed that they do not always feel seen as or treated as parents. The message is clear, whether or not children are in their care, they will always be their parents. It’s important for a child to have all the people who are significant to them fully included and involved in their life.
Opportunities for parents and birth families to bond with their children are valued by parents. Parents have shared examples with us of missed opportunities when bonding and connection between parents and children could have been supported.
A system that thinks about children individually, rather than locating them within their family and their community, does not give children the best chances to thrive. A rights-based approach when nurturing the relationship between brothers and sisters is essential.
Parents have shared with us their need to feel respected, heard and taken seriously. All participants shared examples of not feeling acknowledged as having something to contribute. It is important to recognise that there were examples of positive experiences for parents. Both positive and negative experiences came from across a range of agencies, rather than just one single agency
All care experienced participants felt their own life history was viewed negatively when decisions were being made about their children. They spoke about the use of chronologies and thinking about the purpose and relevance of sharing information, particularly parents own care records.
When good communication is possible between parents, foster carers, kinship carers, adopters, or care staff, then children benefit directly. Children’s needs are more likely to be better understood and consistently met. Knowing and having the opportunity to build a relationship with the person or people caring for their children mattered to parents irrespective of the age of their children or the type of care arrangements in place.
Parents identified a need for early support when they are struggling to care for their children. They emphasised the importance of building trust, taking a strengths-based approach and having difficult conversations with kindness. Parents want workers to be curious, to understand each family and not to make assumptions about who is important to children and their families.
The image of shoes on the beach was chosen by parents to represent the idea of asking others to "walk a mile in the shoes of parents and children," to develop empathy for the complex circumstances that they and their families have lived through.
Parents voices should be heard
The Good Ideas Group want to work with professionals, services and decision-makers to discuss the recommendations for change from Oor Lives, Oor Ane and to consider how they can be implemented.
If you would be interested in working with us please contact moray@childrenfirst.org.uk